it's a process

I feel like I have been spending a lot of time lately just processing my life. I do this a lot anyway, but it just seems to me that all of the changes in my life have been causing me to spend way more time inside my head. Everything seemed to happen so fast and I put a lot of stress on myself in a very short amount of time. I am trying to settle in to being married in a new city in a new house in a new job and waiting for a class schedule to busy up my life. I have spent many afternoons on the couch watching t.v. and eating ice cream because that was easier than trying to feel whatever it is that I am feeling. I am afraid my body and my mind are paying for this now.

I have had several friends married this summer and others who rave about the so called "married life." I am not even sure what that means?? Do I love that Caleb and I don't have to continuously say goodbye anymore? You bet! I love that he is here with me, but I know that he is not all that there is to me. We have a great little buddy in our dog Moses and he certainly keeps us entertained. I'm so glad for Caleb and I love him very deeply.

I have been worried about what it is that I am really doing here. I am here to be educated in seminary and then to move on to receive another degree even after that. I have no idea what I want to do after this and that does not make it easy to justify spending large amounts of money on school. I am energized to think about taking Hebrew and Greek and be trained better in Pastoral Care.

I worry about my parents. I know that they are doing okay, and I know that they are trying to let me know that through all of our skype conversations and phone calls, but I worry about them still. There is too much more life to be lived and I'm sad that I cannot be there to make dinner and drive them to the bank or grocery store or the doctor.

So for now, it's a process and I still trying to figure it all out. I know that I am seeking to listen to God's call and to follow where that may lead. . .